Hilarious Animal Articles

Over the past several years, I’ve encountered some hilarious, ridiculous articles involving animals. I share them here for your laughs and enjoyment! Share other funny animal articles in the comments section.

Herpes-infected monkeys terrorize Florida

New York Post

September 12, 2013

Herpes Monkey

Happy with Herpes

“Wildlife officials now consider the monkeys a public health hazard.”

“The monkeys were first marooned on a small island near the Silver River. But the creatures learned to swim.” (They can open doors too!)

Check out the full article!

Scary safari in Ohio ends with carnage, questions

USA Today

October 19, 2011

Monkey on the Loose

MONKEY: Still at large! …But seriously, this graphic is ridiculous…

While this actual incident was quite serious and tragic, I couldn’t help but laugh at some of the news coverage, including graphics such as this one.

“Officials continued to search for a macaque monkey still roaming the area on Wednesday after shooting 49 animals and taking another six to the zoo.” (The reporter casually totals a complete slaughter!)

“One monkey that has not been accounted for may have been eaten…” (Thank you for that, experts.)

Check out the full article!

The animals mistaken for spies

BBC News

September 4, 2013

Detained Stork

Detained Stork

“Egyptian authorities detained a stork last week on suspicion of espionage… In fact the stork was innocent…”

“In 2007 the Iranian army arrested a team of 14 ‘spy squirrels’ found near a nuclear enrichment plant. Officials said they succeeded in apprehending the suspects ‘before they were able to take any action’.”

“The CIA’s attempt to implant listening devices into a cat – dubbed Operation Acoustic Kitty – ended in failure on day one, when the kitty was run over by a car outside the Soviet embassy in Washington DC. The project was estimated to have cost more than $14m.”

“Another failed project was the equally outlandish Bat Bomb, tried by the US in WWII, where bats were strapped to mini-incendiary devices and dropped over Japan. The idea was for them to roost inside wooden Japanese buildings before bursting into flames. The atomic bomb ultimately proved more effective.”

“In March this year Ukraine’s Defence Ministry had to deny reports that three military dolphins had escaped and were roaming the Black Sea in search of sex.”

For more laughs, check out the full article!

In a later follow-up article, it was revealed that “A stork once detained by Egyptian authorities on suspicion of being a winged spy has been found dead.” Very suspicious…

American Sniper: Beaten by Dolphins, Eaten by Sharks

P. 123

“…The dolphins would come out and beat the shit out of us. They were trained to hit in the sides, and they could crack ribs.

…One time we were out and the dolphins were taking it to us. Getting beaten bad, I headed toward shore to dodge the bastards. Spotting some piers, I ducked underneath – I knew they wouldn’t follow me.

Safe.

All of a sudden something clamped hard on my leg. Hard.

It was a sea lion. They were being trained to guard the piers.

I went back out into open water. I’d rather be beaten by a dolphin than eaten by a sea lion.”

Share your thoughts!